Friday, July 18, 2014

The Crying Game

Today's been a bit rough. Mr. C and I started the morning with a bit of a spat that mostly amounts to us both being stressed and under slept. But, a very real consequence for me has been a day of crying.

It started during said spat, and man was it some ugly crying. After I took Mr. C to work, I started crying in the car for no apparent reason, then nearly lost it again when I asked past baby items in Target. And that lady in the parking lot with her fat baby belly and toddler in tow? Yeah, she made me cry, too. 

I also cried while writing an email to our IVF coordinator because she scheduled me for the wrong time for an appointment, and then I cried some more when I asked her why we weren't warned the extra week of BCP I'm on might lead to less eggs as well as how fewer we're talking.

It's only 1:30pm and I've cried at least five separate times today. Good. Grief.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Anniversary, Birth Control, and Injections--Oh My!

Sunday was my and Mr. C's anniversary. He had to work much of the day, so the night prior we went out to a nice dinner. Mr. C ordered a 32 oz wagyu bone-in ribeye. And ate the entire thing. Well, okay, I had a few bites, but he ate far more of my 16 oz lobster tail than I ate of his steak. We also ordered king crab gnocchi (which I hardly touched, but devoured the leftovers the next day) and chateaux potatoes (but they were WAY too spicy for me). The restaurant gave us a complimentary dessert that we managed to stuff ourselves with further. I mean, who can say no to chocolate cake with raspberry compote and homemade vanilla ice cream?

On Sunday, Mr. C was able to sneak away from work for a bit so we could go to the new x-men movie. We both left felling entertained, but no where near as much as when we saw Edge of Tomorrow. Now that was a good movie. But I digress....

Another thing of note from the weekend (beside my aching tooth that would go on ot have a root canal on Monday) was my inability to control crying. Seriously, I don't think I've ever been this emotionally unstable for this long ever. Mr. C showed me a video of a roof knocking followed by a bombing in Palestine and, while it's definitely a serious and heart-wrenching thing to see a building that might have people in it explode, it's not something that would usually bring me to tears. Nor would the description of an old fighting technique wherein soldiers put fake trunks on horses--so they'd resemble baby elephants--when facing enemies who used elephants, as the elephants would refuse to attack the "babies." No really, this made me cry, too.

During our meeting with our IVF nurse, she confirmed this particular birth control pill might make me a bit emotional. Ha, a bit. Right.... Anyway, I also started crying during our meeting today when we were going over how to mix and inject the medicine I'll be taking next month. I was overwhelmed, but seriously, this is NOT something I'd usually cry about. Well, at least not in front of other people. I may have also cried when I went to the bathroom because I was mad at myself for crying. And I may have also cried once we got into the car. So yes, that's FOUR times today I've cried, and it's only 8pm.

I was also a bit angry and confused during our meeting today when she told me no yoga during stimming. I started these private sessions specifically so I'd have tools during that time period to help with stress relief. Maybe I need to explain that I'd basically be doing light stretching (restorative poses) for most of it. I get that ovarian torsion (an ovary flipping around, leading to loss of blood flow) is a VERY serious problem which I'll be at risk for during stimming, but I don't think the things I'd be doing would put me at risk. I might email her tomorrow to talk about it further.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Yoga for Fertility

Our IVF clinic recommends yoga for fertility during treatment and, given I really enjoy flow/vinyasa yoga, I thought this might be something worth pursuing. After trying to find a new studio that does fertility yoga and having no luck locally, I reached out to the studio I've attended in the past for flow.

While they don't have fertility yoga either, the owner suggested meeting for a private class or two to learn some modifications on sequences frequently used in their regular classes so I could attend those while also doing what's best for my body during stimming (otherwise known as when my ovaries are the size of a small bunch of grapes). I decided to get a package that includes two private sessions and two weeks of unlimited yoga.

Yesterday I had my first private session and it was awesome. I'm a bit sore today, but after five weeks of being a couch potato, I kind of expected I'd be hurting. The soreness is all muscle/exercise related, which is a relief given I was worried I might not be healing properly from my surgery to remove my tubes.

My next private session is in two weeks and while I don't need to use these strategies until I stimming starts, I'm probably going to go to a few classes between now and the next private session to practice the modifications.

Friday, July 11, 2014

A Box of Sunshine

Going through infertility is often emotionally draining. I've found that most of the time I end up reassuring other people that everything is okay, instead of the other-way-around. But today, something truly touching happened:

Friends sent us a box of sunshine!


Everything in the box was yellow (but for the card) and included

- nail polish
- a sunflower starter
- lemon candle
- peanut m&ms
- nilla wafers
- vitamin water
- popcorn
- lemon heads
- swedish fish
- caramel milkyways
- yellow pens
- slingshot rubber chicken

While the rubber chicken has been BY FAR the most used and humor inducing part of the box, we were both incredibly grateful when we opened the package. It's quite humbling to know our friends are in our corner, supporting us on this journey.